


If Hindsight were Foresight

by Jazznsmoke



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternative to canon, If Merle hadn't died
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:03:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazznsmoke/pseuds/Jazznsmoke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merle is still Merle, the group is still the same group, but Merle's a changed man in a lot of ways. All he cares about is protecting his little brother and keeping whats his safe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is The House That Doubt Built

Merle was terrified. He’d never been in a situation so hopeless before. He couldn’t find a single way he could get out of the predicament he found himself in. Geeks trying to enter the rooftop where he was stuck, handcuffed to pipes, with no key to get himself un-cuffed.

He found himself praying, praying like he hadn’t prayed since he was a little boy, waiting for the next clap of his daddy’s belt against the skin of his back.   
He didn’t want to die, not at all. He had to get back to his little brother, keep watching out for him like he had been doing since he was fifteen years old and his mama pushed out a kid.   
Merle had always run his mouth, always thought that if he kept on talking he could get his way out of just about anything, even if it was only because people wanted him to shut the hell up. Not many people actually listened to the words that came out of his mouth. He spewed a lot of bullshit, but every now and then he actually gave his words some thought and put his real feelings into it. 

That’s exactly what he did when he started praying to a God he had mostly given up on. Maybe God would come through for him this time. He needed God and luck on his side.   
He looked around, trying to find a way out of this mess that he hadn’t seen, hadn’t thought of before. He needed something, he wasn’t going to leave Daryl behind in this shitty world. He took a moment, feeling hopeless and laid on his back. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to keep himself calm. Panic was setting in, the sounds of the geeks were loud as they tried to get through the door to him. He opened his eyes and looked towards the rooftop door. His eyes fell on the bag of tools that T-Dog kicked over and left behind when he dropped the key down the drain. 

All of the tools were out of his reach. He took off his belt and tried to use it to grab anything of the tools, but it wasn’t working. He couldn’t get the belt to hit the damn things. His frustration and panic grew to an all-time high with each failed attempt at getting himself free.   
Just out of the reach of his belt was a saw. If only he could get to it, he could saw through the handcuffs. He scooted as close as he could, putting his body in an excruciatingly painful position to try a dozen more times. 

Eventually he gave in to the pain from having his arm contorted in horrible positions and moved to sit up again before just leaning against the pipe and tossing his head back, letting the sun’s rays hit his face. He closed his eyes and let the sounds of the geeks fighting to get to him fade out. He wasn’t going to focus on his imminent death.   
Then the sounds of the geeks changed. They were more agitated, and they weren’t as loud. He strained to turn and look and what he saw impressed him. The Asian kid, the officer and the black guy came back. And his brother. They took out the geeks pressed against the door and cut the chains holding the door somewhat closed and gathered round Merle. 

“Well, ain’t you all a sight for sore eyes,” Merle drawled, letting relief wash over him. 

“Fucker, ya need ta learn ta keep yer mouth shut, an’ ya wouldn’t get yerself stuck in these kinds o’ situations,” His little brother growled at him while the cop took the bolt cutters to the hand cuffs. 

“I can’t get the cuff itself off you right now, but I’ll find a way to do so. For now, at least you aren’t chained to a pipe. When we’re back at camp we’ll figure out a way.” The cop said.

“Well ain’t you just a friendly ole cop?” 

“Somethin’ like that,” He half smiled at Merle. “Now let’s get out of here before more show up. We still gotta get the guns.” 

“Ya crazy sombitch,” Merle laughed. “Ya didn’t come back fer ole Merle, ya came back fer yer guns, didn’t ya?” 

“Nah, Merle. We came back fer yer dumbass an’ the guns both. We got ya first, didn’ we?” 

“Suppose ya did,” Merle acknowledged with a grunt. He leaned against the roof’s ledge and listened to the four outline their plan to get the guns back without any casualties. He offered advice every here and then but otherwise he just listened. T-Dog and Glenn kept shooting glances his way, confused as to why he wasn’t running his mouth and telling them how their plans were wrong. 

“Look, I’m the quickest one here. I’ll get the guns while you guys watch my back and take care of the geeks,” The kid stated. 

“Ya like danger, don’t ya, China-Man?” 

“I’m Korean, dumbass, and I know my strengths.”

“Alright, alright, no need ta get defensive,” 

“So, we’re clear on the plan?” Rick questioned the group to get them back on track. The yes was unanimous and they retreated from the rooftop.

Everything went according to plan, T-Dog and Rick watched Glenn from a side street, Merle from a different side street and Glenn was with Daryl. It wasn’t until Glenn was going back to Daryl when shit hit the fan. Yelling could be heard. Rick, T-Dog and Merle ran as quickly as they could to Daryl’s location. They converged on him with their weapons drawn. They found Daryl holding the gate shut, turning around to chase after the teenage boy. 

“His home-boys took Glenn!” Daryl growled, pulling the kid back to his feet roughly. “I shot one o’ his buddies in the ass,” Merle and Daryl looked to each other and shared a grin. At least the fuckers didn’t get away cleanly. 

It didn’t take long to get information out of the kid, Merle leaned back and let his little brother take the lead in scaring the boy and then let Rick play the good cop.   
They went to the place that Miguel led them to and sent T-dog and Daryl to be sharp shooters and keep an eye on their backs while Rick and Merle exchanged Miguel for Glenn. The exchange wasn’t quite what they wanted. They wanted the guns. 

The group retreated and talked it over before going back. They would go and do what was necessary to get Glenn back, even if they had to shed blood.   
They were fully prepared to do exactly that, until Felipe’s grandmother walked out and stood in the middle, begging for Felipe to come and help someone. They followed Guillermo and realized in horror that they were about to fight men that were risking themselves to take care of those left behind in a retirement home. Merle, Rick, Glenn, T-Dog and Daryl retreated to a corner away from everyone after witnessing Felipe help an older man who started to have an asthma attack and Guillermo explained how they came to be there. 

“We cain’t leave ‘em here. He said it himself, they ain’t got shit fer supplies.” Merle grumbled, looking Rick dead in the eyes. It didn’t sit well with Merle, the idea of leaving these people with barely anything. 

“What do you suggest, Merle? Give them our guns, our supplies?” Rick questioned. 

“Nah. We’ll go on a run fer ‘em, take a couple o’ their guys an’ help them get supplies.” 

“What do you all think?” 

“I think Merle is right,” Glenn agreed, “They’re good people, they’re risking themselves to protect their family and the others that were left behind.” 

“I’m willing,” T-Dog agreed as well. 

Everyone turned to look at Daryl. Daryl looked from each of them to each of the older people around the room. He nodded slowly. “I ain’t riskin’ my ass an’ gettin’ killed, but I’ll help.” 

The others moved away, looking around the room, seeing how things were defended and making notes on ways to help them out. Rick stood next to Merle for a moment, “I didn’t expect you to want to help these people,” 

“Why not?” Merle asked, turning to look at the cop.

“’Cause you’re a dick,” 

Merle chuckled, “Jus’ ‘cause I’m a dick doesn’t mean I don’t give a shit. I ain’t heartless, Officer Friendly,” 

“True,” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

After the loss of a few members of their group, Merle wasn’t willing to stick around at the quarry any longer. He wouldn’t risk staying there with his little brother and letting either of them get hurt. 

“Me’n Daryl are leavin’. We ain’t stayin’ here anymore. Y’all are fuckin’ dumb if ya don’t leave too. Especially without me’n Daryl ta hunt fer y’all.” 

“Where do you expect us to go? There aren’t many options left, if you haven’t noticed. ‘Cause your right, we won’t last long without you two hunting and bringing in food. You’re invaluable to this group.” 

“What ‘bout that CDC place ya keep yappin’ about? Or Fort Benning, like dickhead keeps talkin’ about?” 

“The fort is likely to be a lost cause. They would have sent most of their men to Atlanta during the outbreak, it’s likely to be overrun like the city is.” 

“The CDC?” Merle questioned.

“It’s more likely to be intact. They’re designed for things like this. But it’s a risk like going into the city.” 

“Give the CDC a try, me’n Daryl will stick wit’ ya all fer that long at least, then we’ll go from there. But this ain’t a safe place anymore.” 

With Merle’s insistence it was decided they would give the CDC a try. The group travelled there in a large caravan. It wasn’t what they had hoped. The only man standing had given up hope before they arrived, given them shelter for a night, told them news no one wanted to hear and then dropped a bomb that as soon as the power ran out at the CDC the place would self-destruct. 

With a lack of anywhere else to go yet, and not willing to leave them to fend for themselves, not with a couple of kids, Merle and Daryl stuck with the group. 

Things were alright, in Merle’s book, he and his brother were together and relatively safe. He wasn’t a fool. He knew there was safety in numbers. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things went up in smoke one day when the little girl went missing while they were on the road. Daryl and Merle split up, taking a group each to search for the little girl. Merle was insistent they would find her, one way or another, before anything bad could happen. He was pissed as hell that once again Lori and Carol let their kids wander away, not within arms-reach like he’s insisted they stay, time and time again. That was Merle’s biggest fear next to losing his brother somehow, it was that something would happen to one of the kids. 

This all could have been prevented, Merle thought. If the mothers had just kept their children in their sight and by their sides, nothing would have happened. They wouldn’t be trekking through the woods looking for a little girl. 

Merle figured, when young Carl asked his dad if he could go with and help to find his friend, that at least the boy would be where he could see him and keep an eye on him, so he didn’t protest that looking for the girl was nowhere for the boy to be, especially if they found her and she wasn’t okay. 

He never saw the hunter, didn’t realize until it was too late that the deer the little boy was looking at was about to become someone’s prey and the little boy was accidentally in the way. 

He watched the little boy go down in slow motion, blood seeping from his bullet wound. He wanted to kill the fucker who shot the innocent. When he stepped out from the bushes, repeating over and over that it was an accident he barely kept himself from giving in to the red he was seeing. He had to keep his temper, keep his head, Officer Friendly- the boy’s father, wasn’t going   
to be in any condition to talk rationally and get the kid help. 

“There’s a farm, it’s not far. The guy who owns it can help your boy. I’m so sorry. I didn’t see him.” 

“Take us there. Now!” Merle growled, not wasting time on any words as he looked at the little boy’s ashen face and his father’s tear stained face. He knelt down and carefully lifted the boy into his arms, slow running after the man to this farm. He didn’t look at all to make sure Officer Friendly was with them. He knew he would be. If it were his child he would be matching him pace for pace. He focused on the young life in his arms.

They arrived at the farm quicker than Merle expected. An older man with white hair met them on the porch, ushering them inside, questioning what happened. The man, Otis, who shot the kid, explained everything breathlessly. 

As they got the boy situated and the old man started to look him over, Merle looked at Rick and Otis. “We need to get back to the others, tell yer wife about yer boy.” 

“My oldest daughter can go. She can take one of our horses and get the boy’s mother quicker than you can on foot. I assume it’s not too far away, where your people are, but she’ll be quicker.” The old man stated without looking up from Carl.

Merle realized that Rick wasn’t listening, too intent on the now of what’s happening with his son. He took matters into his own hands and agreed.

“Otis, get Maggie, Beth, and Patricia, bring them here. I’m going to need Patricia’s and Beth’s help.” 

He was amazed at how quickly the big man moved. Within moments three females entered the room, all varying widely in age. 

“Maggie, take one of the horses. I need you to go get the boy’s mother. This man will tell you where to find her. Beth, Patricia, I’m going to need your help.”  
Maggie and Merle moved away from the others a little so their voices wouldn’t overlap that of the patriarch of the family working diligently to save Carl. Merle was quick in giving directions to where the rest of their group was and explaining that most of the group was in search of a little girl. The boy’s mother would be with the main group, on the highway. He gave her the names of the kid’s mother and of himself, his brother and Rick, telling her to tell them he sent her. 

He pulled Rick from the room when the man started to lose his shit when his son cried out in pain. He knew it wouldn’t do any good if he lost it while they were trying to help his son. He’d done the same thing a few times when his little brother had to go to the hospital when they were kids. Merle took Rick outside to the porch. 

“You want to be in there wit’ yer boy, I get it. But yer gettin’ in the way. Ya need ta find somethin’ to distract yerself.”

“Like what? My little boy is in there dying,” 

“He ain’t going to die,” Merle growled fiercely. 

“How do ya know?” Rick questioned, his eyes filling with unshed tears and his face a mask of anguish. 

“’Cause yer kid is as stubborn as your dumbass. And that man in there is gonna do everything to save that kid. I saw it in his eyes.” 

Rick was about to respond when the older woman walked outside to check on the men. “I’m Patricia, Otis’ wife. How are you holding up?” 

“He’s losin’ his fuckin’ mind,” Merle answered for Rick. “You got any wood needed chopped or somethin’ physical he can do till he’s under control an’ can be by his boys side again?” 

Patricia nodded her head in understanding, “There is wood to chop,” She motioned to where it was located and went back inside to leave them to it. Merle led Rick to the wood and told him to get to it.


	2. Beggars

It took no time at all for the young woman to get Carl’s mother and bring her and a majority of the others back to the farm. Merle watched her break down in tears at the sight of her little boy.   
He didn’t have to ask, standing outside and looking at the group gathered around the vehicles, that the little girl hadn’t been found yet. He took in his brother’s frustrated face and grimaced to himself. He’d go back out in the morning and keep looking for her as soon as the sun rose. The dangers of going out to look now, with only a few hours left until dark far out shined the need and desire to keep looking for Sophia. 

Soon after the group arrived at the farm, the farmer motioned for Merle to come inside a moment. Merle looked around before nodding at the man and following him inside the house. They stood just inside the doorway face to face. 

“The boy needs a blood transfusion and his father has the right blood type. But we don’t have the equipment for it. Rick said you and a Shane are the ones to talk to.” 

“I’ll find Shane, I haven’t seen him here yet. An’ we’ll get the equipment ya need.”

“There’s an army base not far off, Otis knows where it is. He’ll go with whoever you send to get the equipment. He won’t have it any other way. He wants to help the boy as much as he can.” 

Merle nodded and went outside to find Shane. He found him walking around the house, looking at it from a cop’s perspective on how to keep it safe for while they stayed there. Merle motioned for the man to follow him inside and explained to him what Hershel had told him. It was decided that the less who went would be better, less risk. It was to be Shane and Otis going on the run.   
Merle kept an eye on the group, going back and forth from checking on Rick and his family to outside to keep an eye on where everyone was. He wasn’t going to allow anyone else to get hurt. 

On one of his forays into the house Hershel pulled him aside. “I’ve spoken to Rick already. Your people can stay here until the boy is able to be moved, until then, they stay outside other than yourself and the boy’s family. My daughters are off limits, and not to be near your people. It’s nothing against you all, but I don’t know you people, and I won’t risk my family any more than they already are.” 

Merle could see where the older man was coming from and agreed with his decision. If he were Hershel he would say the same thing. 

He told their group to set up their camp, reminding them to do so a decent distance from the farm house. 

No, Merle wasn’t in charge but Rick and the old man trusted him enough to see things through. No one argued with the redneck. The only one who would was getting medical supplies for the little boy. 

“What the hell is goin’ on, Merle?” Daryl questioned his older brother. 

“This is home fer now. We can’t go nowhere till we find the girl and the boy is healthy again,” 

“That ain’t what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. What the hell happened to our plan?” 

“The one where we rob ‘em and leave ‘em?” Merle shrugged. “Fer now, set up camp an’ get some sleep. First light we’re trackin’ that kid an’ bringin’ her home,” 

“You’ve changed,” Daryl looked his brother up and down. 

“That good or bad, Darylina?” 

“’s good. Yer still a dick, though,” 

It was a roller coaster ride for the group. Shane returned with the items the vet needed to save the little boy, but he came back without the man he left with. However, he had Otis’ gun. Merle brought it up with his little brother once they were alone. 

“Shane ain’t what he seems,” Daryl agreed, “I don’ trust him,” 

“Nah, me neither. Best we keep this ta ourselves an’ keep an eye on him,” 

“He’ll throw us all ta the walkers so long as he can have Rick’s family,” Daryl growled.

“We best make sure he don’t get a chance to fuck us all over,” 

“Did ya see the scratches on his face at the CDC?” Daryl questioned his brother. 

“Mhm,” 

“Weren’t from shaving,” 

“I know, little brotha. Nothin’ we can do ‘bout it but keep an eye out,” 

Daryl nodded tersely; he knew they couldn’t do anything about the former cop, but he still didn’t like it. “Goin’ ta set up camp.” 

Merle nodded his assent. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things were looking up, in Merle’s opinion. They found the little girl a few miles away in an abandoned church. They had already looked there but had decided to give it another shot; If they were the little girl and they could hear the tolling of the automated bells, they would head towards it too in hopes of finding people again. Reuniting Sophia with her mother gave Merle a sense of pride about himself and his brother for finding her. 

“Don’t let the little one out of arms reach this time,” He chastised Carol, “Next time we ain’t gonna be so lucky,” He hated saying it, especially when tears rolled down the woman’s face. He liked the possibility of something happening to one of the kids as much as she did. 

The little boy was also getting better. He was able to move around a little with help and spent most of his time lounging on the porch with Sophia and the farmer’s youngest daughter, who kept   
an eye on the younger kids. 

She was blonde, the farmers youngest, with doe eyes and a look of innocence etched into her soft face. She was sixteen, closer to seventeen, according to Hershel.

The old man lit up when he spoke about his daughters to Rick and Merle. His youngest had a penchant for music-she could make a career out of it, if she chose to. Merle listened to the praise of the man’s daughter and found himself wanting to hear her golden voice. Merle had heard her hum, which was pleasant enough; He wanted to hear the whole package.   
His mind drifted when Hershel started talking about his eldest daughter, he didn’t care for the brunet; she irritated him in a way he couldn’t quit put his finger on.   
Merle let his mind wander to thoughts about perimeter security and his little brother. Daryl had been short tempered and antsy for a few days at that point, restless energy radiated from him. The elder Dixon needed to find a way for his brother to dispel the energy before he blew up, directing his fury at Officer Friendly’s best friend- Not that Merle would blame his brother for directing it towards the asshole. He wanted to beat the man into a bloody mess, barely alive when he was done with him. Neither of the Dixon’s could afford to let their anger and sense of justice get the better of them, not at this point in time. 

They needed to keep their heads on straight, their positions in the group were still tenuous. Merle was becoming closer with Rick, and in turn his family, given more and more duties as the days went on, especially after all that Merle had done to help Rick when his son was shot. Daryl was becoming friends with a few of the other members of the group, like Glenn, Dale, Andrea and Carol, but that didn’t mean the group fully trusted the rednecks. It was a start, however. 

The only person who openly hated them and pushed against them being a part of the group was Shane, and no one cared enough at that point to listen to a word the ex-cop had to say.   
Nonetheless, Merle and Daryl had to be careful. There are only two of them if the group turned against them because one of them threw a Dixon Tantrum.   
Just when life hit the all-time high of good for their group, the other shoe dropped. Bad things always happened in threes, sometimes it just took a while for all of the bad things to happen.   
The Dixon’s weren’t the only ones furious and troubled by the things they had learned about their host. Keeping the dead locked inside the barn would potentially get them all dead. Unlike Shane, they had been willing to let Rick talk to Hershel and sort things out in his way; not release the walkers and put everyone in danger, including the children. 

It was chaos, everyone in their group with a gun was shooting at the corpses, taking them down as quickly as they could. Merle’s hunter eyes took in his surroundings, keeping his eyes not only on his brother, but the little ones as well, while he took down the walker’s with deadly accurate aim. 

Merle noticed the different stages of decomposition that the corpses were in. The old man had brought them to his barn at different points of the corpses’ deaths.   
Finally, the last walker meandered out of the barn; a little boy that could have been Sophia and Carl’s age when it was still alive. Everyone in both groups stood watching it as it stumbled and blinked in confusion- no one shot at it. Merle waited a moment, his mind equating it to the kids in the group, felt his heart lurch at the thought of one of the children he had grown fond of becoming like that. He was fearful because of the close call they had had with both children nearly getting killed. He took a half step forward, raising his gun and took the headshot to put the child walker down. 

It took the amount of time for Merle’s shot to no longer ring through the air before he heard people begin to cry and what they had just witnessed and done to settle in. He watched in silence as the farmer’s blonde daughter ran inches in front of him to kneel next to the corpse of an older woman. In the time it took for Merle to place the corpse as Beth’s mama, the corpse was moving again, trying to take a chunk from the girls arm. Someone hadn’t shot it in the head properly. 

He didn’t hesitate to raise his gun once more and kill the walker. He felt remorse that he had to put down the girls mama, even if he knew that there wasn’t anything left of her mother inside that body, it was just a walking shell. The girl didn’t know that; her father had been teaching her and those he was protecting on his farm that the dead were only sick, they could be saved. Merle hated to be the one doing the dirty work and killing the girls loved one inches away from her. He hated the fact that someone hadn’t shot it properly and the girl almost lost her life because of it. His group knew better than to not head shot the walkers. 

Merle was seized in a cold fury as he walked calmly over to the blonde and helped her stand. Even from a short distance away he could see her shaking and crying silent, body wracking sobs. He wrapped his arms around her as soon as she was standing and led her away from the corpse of her mother, towards her home. 

Her daddy and sister hadn’t even tried to keep her from danger’s reach. He didn’t have any sympathy for the farmer or his eldest daughter- they knew the danger having the corpses would bring, he, Rick and others had tried to talk sense into the man. They should have kept the youngest one back and away from the danger until someone had said it was clear.   
As he walked towards the farm house with the shaking girl he sought his brother out, when he spotted him he barked, “Daryl. Gather them kids an’ get them away from this. They ain’t needing   
to see any more than they already have. Ain’t right,” 

He felt the girl start to stumble, her feet getting tangled up on themselves. Before she could fall, Merle scooped her into his arms and carried her the rest of the way.   
It wasn’t necessary to look behind him, he knew his brother would have followed his orders, but he did look. He found his brother holding the two kids’ hands in his own, with each arm wrapped around their shoulders and pressing them into his side, following behind Merle at a quick pace. He was slightly surprised to see, a few steps behind the children and his brother were the mothers of the children and Beth’s sister following along. 

Merle had served in the military for a little while before he was discharged for talking back; one of the few things that stuck with him was seeing, realizing and treating people with shock. He recognized the signs that she was going into shock and began to talk to her, hoping she’d respond and help him to keep her from going into a coma like state because of it. 

He motioned for Daryl to take the kids and their mothers into the den and followed Maggie to Beth’s room where he carefully laid her on her bed and wrapped the blankets around her.   
Merle tucked Beth into her blankets and stared at her for a moment; the mixture of innocence and despair in her features gave her a rare form of beauty. Merle could suddenly see the attraction the farm boy, Jimmy, has for her. Hell, if Merle were 20 years younger he would stare at her with a moon-eyed expression too. 

Merle’s stomach hurt, like a lead weight was lodged within. The girl laying in the bed before him wasn’t meant for a sick and twisted world like this. She and the little ones downstairs wouldn’t last long, not without training and for the adults around them to protect them. 

It was despair, plain and simple crushing through him, a feeling he wasn’t accustomed to feeling. Loud, obnoxious, racist, jerk, asshole. Those were words associated with Merle Dixon. Words like soft, kind-hearted, loyal, weren’t used in association with him. Not unless it had something to do with his little brother. At least, that was before he was hand cuffed to that roof and faced death in a way he had never encountered. 

When it came to children, his little brother, and the elderly, Merle always had a soft spot in his heart. He always went out of his way for them.   
Selfishness had always been an accurate description of Merle Dixon. Something deep within him changed back on that roof, something even Daryl was noticing.   
Despair and hope weren’t feelings he ever had. Not until this moment as he looked at the blonde. He hoped with everything inside of him that she could be strong enough to survive in this world. He hoped for the little ones too.

He was slow to leave the room, allowing the big sister to care for her sister as he went to check on his brother with the kids. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A day passed by with high tension from everyone. Neither group fully trusted the other. Rick and Shane were staying as far from each other as possible to avoid a fight until things were under control. Their group was ready to pack their belongings and leave if Hershel continued to insist they leave his property. 

Merle watched and listened to the storm brewing within the camp. Maggie and Rick spent time trying to convince the old man to let them stay; Maggie only cared because she and the Asian kid had begun a relationship. 

Beth had yet to utter more than a few words to anyone; Maggie, Lori and Andrea all took turns sitting with and checking on her. 

It was when Hershel disappeared that panic arose. The closest thing to a doctor they had was missing, his youngest daughter tried keeping a steak knife from the plate of food Lori served to her. 

Merle half listened as Maggie spoke her fears to Rick, Himself, Glenn and Lori. She suspected her father, an ex-alcoholic went to the bar in town to get drunk- rather than face everything that happened. 

Rick and Glenn volunteered themselves to find the old man and bring him back. Officer Friendly’s wife was pissed. She couldn’t stand that he was ‘abandoning’ her and Carl. Merle scoffed; her selfishness rivaled his own. After Lori stalked off in anger, Rick pulled Merle aside. 

“Will you hold down the fort,” He questioned. 

Merle grinned, “Ya trust me ta do that?” 

“You’ve proven yourself trust worthy. To be honest, I don’t trust many people anymore. You and your brother will keep everyone safe. I trust you two to protect my family. After what happened yesterday, I can’t trust Shane.”

“Bout time ya stopped trustin’ him.” 

“’I told you so’s’ aren’t appropriate right now,” Rick ran his hand over his face. “You can rub it in later.”


	3. Lullaby

A few hours after Rick left, Lori disappeared without a word and Merle was furious. She had abandoned her son to go after her perfectly capable husband. She had even gone so far as to steal a car. Merle put his brother in charge and went after her-It was a good thing he had done so when he did. The car she had stolen was totaled. The fact that he found her alive and with barely any injuries (despite almost getting bitten as he had arrived) was amazing. 

“Yer fuckin’ lucky I found ya when I did.” Merle’s voice was a low growl as he led her to his vehicle. 

“Someone needed to go after Rick.” 

“Not you,” 

“Then who else? I asked Daryl and he brushed me off.” 

“Ya didn’t ask me. An’ l’il brotha musta had a damn good reason fer it. Even Shane woulda been a better idea than ya goin’ off willy-nilly. Not only did ya abandon yer kid ta go on a fool’s mission, when yer husband ain’t even been gone that long, but yer pregnant to boot.” 

“You know I’m pregnant?” 

“I got eyes an’ ears don’t I? Overheard short rou-Glenn tellin’ Dale all freaked the fuck out.” 

“He was supposed to be discrete,” She hissed and glanced at Merle. 

“He can’t keep a secret to save his life. If ya pulled yer head outta yer ass ya’d know that. An’ it ain’t like the kid HAS ta keep yer secret. Yer more concerned yer l’il secrets goin’ ta get out than for that little boy of yours you left behind,” Merle felt smug when Lori only glanced at him and glared. Maybe his point would come across eventually about protecting the children. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After bringing Lori back, Merle cleaned his gun like he had a million times before, barely looking at it as he pieced it back together. It was dusk and the light was fading quickly. He looked up from his gun in time to spot Beth sneaking away from the farm house and moving towards the horse barn. He waited ten minutes, putting the final pieces of his gun together agonizingly slow. 

He wandered to the barn he had seen Beth enter. 

Merle was concerned about the girl but not overly so. He was keeping an extra eye on her without being overbearing and obvious about it. This was the first time she had left her bedroom since she witnessed her mother and brother getting put down, that he was aware of. 

He knew she had made a halfhearted attempt in the direction of suicide. He also knew that if she really didn’t want to live she would find a way to go through with it. He would do everything he could to prevent her from taking that unchangeable step. 

He paused at the slightly open barn door as he heard quiet voices. Merle nudged the door a little bit further and listened, carefully that he wouldn’t make any noise. He immediately recognized his brother’s and the blonde’s voice. 

“Sorry, I didn’t know anybody was in here.” 

“’S alright. ‘s yer place. Jus’ quiet an’ away from everyone here.” He heard his brother say. “Look, I don’t know ya, but I see ya. I see yer hurtin’, I hear what they’re sayin’. Sayin’ yer givin’ up, but I still see some spark in them eyes,” He heard his brother announce.

He had no doubt in his mind this wasn’t a moment he would interrupt. Daryl didn’t talk to many people willingly, not past a few grunted responses. He would listen and observe. For now.   
He saw Beth’s head whip up, could imagine her doe eyes wide as she looked at Daryl. His brother-even from this distance- was looking down through his eyelashes at her. “I know that feelin’ o’ bein’ alone, bein’ lost and not knowin’ if there is a way out.” 

“You do?”

“Yeah, I do. Been where you’re at. Been so lost I didn’t see a point no more.” 

“Can I…can I ask how, er, why you didn’t give up?” She stumbled over her words. 

“It ain’t somethin’ I can jus’ explain. Jus’ had this feelin’. I think it’s one of those things ya gotta feel fer yerself.”

“Oh,” 

The silence between the pair went on long enough that Merle didn’t expect them to speak again. He began mulling over what his brother had told Beth, waiting, hoping to hear more. 

“Beth,” Daryl’s voice sounded gruff and like he was unsure of himself. “If ya wanna talk or somethin’ I’ll listen. I cain’t promise much, but I’m here for ya. Yer not alone.” 

Merle was stunned, he gaped as the blonde reached the short distance and rested her hand on Daryl’s arm. His brother didn’t move, didn’t flinch away from the simple contact for the first time   
Merle had ever seen. “Thank you, Daryl. I think I’ll take you up on that.” 

He shifted the barn door shut like he had found it and headed towards his and Daryl’s tent. He could feel the start of the friendship blooming between the unlikely pairing. He didn’t need to hear more. His brother was opening up to someone and the girl wasn’t in immediate danger from anyone else or herself. 

Merle chuckled as he began to think of the farmer’s reaction to their friendship. He wouldn’t like the idea of his baby girl being friends with his little brother. 

The elder Dixon continued to keep an eye on the happenings around the farm. No one had come to a decision as of yet whether or not they were leaving the farm. Hershel had locked himself away in his study, refusing to acknowledge anyone. It felt like cowardice to him, the way the farmer hid from what was happening, but Merle wouldn’t say anything. No, he would keep doing what he had been doing. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Merle was aware of the happenings around camp. He knew that Rick now knew of his wife’s pregnancy. He knew that Glenn and the farmer’s oldest daughter had started seeing each other, more than just sex when they went on runs. He knew the things that the others wished to keep a secret. He didn’t speak of any of the things he knew. He kept it to himself, filed away inside his mind for future reference in case he ever needed the information. 

He was also aware of the man, barely out of his teens, they had locked inside the barn that the old man had once kept walkers inside of. Rick and Glenn brought him back along with Hershel, explaining that it was bring him back or knowingly leave him as walker bait. They had him handcuffed and tied down with a gag and blindfold on. They weren’t taking chances with him. Rick and Daryl so far were the only ones to have any contact with him, refusing to speak to him. They were still debating what to do with him. 

It seemed that at this point Carl, Rick’s little boy, was the only one finally healed from the things that had happened since they were on the freeway and what had happened since. The little boy had bounced back with a vengeance. Nothing was going to hold him down for long; as was the way of kids. They always seemed to bounce back quickly. He generally kept a smile on his face, played with the little girl and told lively stories. 

It wasn’t the children that concerned Merle. It was the adults. And Beth. She wasn’t quite a child, but she wasn’t quite an adult, either. She had now been through too much to retain her childlike innocence, but hadn’t yet been forced to grow up as much as the world around her tried to force her to. Hershel had yet to leave his study for more than a few minutes at a time, or utter more than a dozen words to anyone. He barely looked at his own children. 

Merle gave a slight nod from the kitchen counter as Andrea came down the stairs and out the side door. 

The elder Dixon was the first to run up the stairs, ahead of Maggie, Lori and Patricia when he heard sobbing moments after the sound of glass hitting the floor. The bathroom door inside Beth’s room was locked, and he heard her harsh crying behind it. His stomach flipped. He didn’t waste time trying to get her to open the door, he took a step back, lifted his foot and kicked at the doors weak spot. The door splintered as it flung itself backwards. 

He felt his breath leave him; the floor around the young blonde was covered in blood. It took less than a moment for his hunter’s eyes to figure out where the blood was coming from. He took the two steps into the room, grabbed a towel from the hanger by the door, knelt down in front of Beth and wrapped it around her wrist. He kept pressure on her wrist and twisted his big frame around to keep an eye on the bathroom door. He knew sooner than later someone else would be running into the room. He didn’t want it to be Beth’s sister. 

He was right, within seconds Maggie, Patricia and Lori were at the bathroom door, all three with looks of horror and astonishment on their faces. 

“Y’all get outta here. I want ya ta get the old man, Carol an’ my little brother. An’ hurry up ‘bout it,” Merle barked. Maggie and Lori jumped, Patricia turned around and left the room. Maggie looked like she was about to argue. “No arguin’, jus’ fucking do it.” 

They left without a moment more of hesitation. 

Merle took a steadying breath, lifted the edge of the towel away from the injury, and quickly placed it back. She would need stitches, one way or another. He looked at Beth’s pale face, took in the tear tracks running down her cheeks. “Beth,” He paused, waiting for some recognition that he spoke to her. When her eyes lifted from the floor he continued speaking. “I’m gonna get ya all patched up, ya hear me, girl? Ya think ya can stand up an’ go into the other room wit’ me?” 

He could barely see her nod. He slowly helped her to her feet, felt her sway as she stood. He wrapped one arm around her slim waist and held the majority of her weight, while keeping pressure on her wrist. Merle led her into the other room and helped her to settle onto her bed. 

A few minutes after getting the girl onto the bed came Carol and Hershel. Merle didn’t pay them any notice as he again looked at Maggie and Lori and told them to leave the room. He leaned in   
closer to Beth, hearing her whisper something. “I want ta live,” 

He felt his heart lift from the bottom of his stomach at her faint words; He didn’t know this girl, but hearing the little thing say she chooses to live lightened his heart. A dark part of him only wished she had come to that realization five minutes’ sooner, before she took shards of broken glass to her wrist. 

Merle looked away from the pale girl to her daddy and Carol. The older women’s face was almost as ashen as Beth’s. She was shocked. He felt disgusted by the old man’s appearance. He hadn’t shaved or changed his clothing since Rick and Glenn brought him back. He saw all that he needed to see; He knew the old man had been drinking since he came back to the farm.

“Ole man, ya’ve been drinkin’. Ya ain’t fit. Get yer ass outta here an’ go be wit’ Maggie an’ ‘Tricia.”

“You have no say in what I do,” Hershel protested with a slur.

“Yer drunk off your ass and I ain’t going to put up with it. Now get the fuck out before I make ya get out,” Merle looked away from the farmer and turned his attention to Carol. “Ya know how ta sew, don’t’cha?” 

She nodded. 

“Think ya can patch ‘er up?” Merle blinked, fighting back his anger. The old man had yet to leave the room. He hoped, when he sent the women after him, the old man would be sober and able to sew up his own daughter, not leave it to someone with just sewing experience. In that moment he was just glad that someone else had sewing experience and he wouldn’t have to patch her up like he’d patched his own wounds growing up. Before Carol answered his question Daryl came rushing into the room. “L’il brotha I want ya ta escort the ole man outta here than come an’   
help me. She’s gonna sew the girl up.” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once Beth was patched up Merle caught his little brothers eye and nodded towards the door. He stepped outside of the room with a final glance towards the blonde and the older woman. Within a moment Daryl was there with him. He led his brother a few steps away and said quietly, “I want ya ta stick with her. I don’t want no one ‘cept her sister, Patricia, Rick an’ Carol near her ‘till I say so.” 

Merle kept his grin hidden as Daryl nodded and a lock of his long hair fell into his eyes. 

“I got me some sleuthing ta do. I’ll keep ya informed. Now, this here’s real important. Don’t let her daddy near her until I’m damn sure he’s sober.”


End file.
